You work out of a Hotel?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
