So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize