Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
