So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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