Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
