I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on