watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
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HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...