You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I smell stomach acid.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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