You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Boobs are out for the taking
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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