I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
