Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Boobs speak an international language.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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