Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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