nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
