I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
