apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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