Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
