he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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