If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
