I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
