And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
