He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
