Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
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Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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