hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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