My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
