im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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