note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
