You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
