yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
