Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
