you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
