You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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