I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
