sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
