nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
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