i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
