We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
