i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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