i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
