you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
