You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
