Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
