We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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