She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
