My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
