Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
