Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
