your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
