Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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