White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
