Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
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I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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