i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
