dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
