We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
