Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
