I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
