i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
