$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
