My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
