John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
