so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
