My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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