Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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